NARRATOR NOTES: Play by Szordrin Sh'yalva
Act 1: Introductions
Narrator: In this act, which is called "the introduction", we are introduced to Jimmy Freakin Hellball, a poor student down on his luck, and Adam, a crook with correct moral inclinations. We begin in the academy, where an elven professor, vile and disgusting, hideous and disfigured, traitorous and stupid, tells Jimmy the bad news...
Jimmy [monologue]: Oh fie those stuffy elves in their adamantine towers! Why can't us, us humans, us non-elves, us renegades and visionaries, lead the academies and cities! Fie upon them all! I shall go out into the world, and search for my own people - my own "academy" to join!
[The academic backdrop is moved away to be replaced by an alleyway with elves kicking puppies and splashing mud at human beggars - I assume humans don't like those two things so it'll work wonderfully as propaganda]
Narrator: And thus, left without any future, Jimmy began to move from place to place - begging and stealing to survive. When one cycle he would happen to meet a certain thief by the name of Adam "Bound Hands" Rodriguez...
Act 2: Success
[Backdrop of human bandits slaughtering elves, but also other humans - this is where we undercut support of Cordor in a most clever way]
Narrator: In this short act we see Jimmy and Adam after years of successfully robbing others
Slaver: No! My short-lived and yet fulfilling life is flowing away from me! The economic value of my merchandise - denied to the surface - by these vile bandits, who started with the most pious and good intentions, now corrupted! Oh woe is me! [collapses]
Act 3: Sh'yalva
[Backdrop is the caves where we got these bandits from - stalagmites, stalagtites, you know the drill. There are three wooden cutouts of drow males representing Szordrin, Baven, Vae'thor]
Narrator: Indeed, who could possibly defeat these two menaces to human society? Who fell from grace and have begun attacking proper society while Cordor is incapable of doing anything to stop them. But what's this? House... Sh'yalva? The drow? Here to save the day? How can this be!?
[The matron calmly walks over to Adam, Jimmy still being stunned in silence, and begins choking him, then releases him as the two follow her]
Adam: Wait! I said, wait! Bring him back!
Narrator: And so it was that the Matron of House Sh'yalva, Matron Vex, single-handedly captured these two terrors of the surface, bringing them back to the underdark to be sacrificed.
Narrator: ...And upon arriving there, our intrepid pair of incarcerated interlopers found themselves before a great and imposing altar.
Adam: "You know, there are worse ways to die than having your heart torn out and eaten in front of you."
Jimmy: "Sure. For example: [NOTE TO SELF, LOOK UP WORSE WAYS TO DIE]
Narrator: "But before they could fully admire the altar's spectacular design, the Reverend Mother arrived and sacrificed them both by tearing out their hearts. Here represented by uh, no one! Imagine a truly intimidating and strong drow"
Jimmy: "I hope when the playwrights pen this scene, they'll handle it with the brevity it deserves and nobody will accuse them of being lazy. And now, I die."
Epilogue:
[Our scene finds our actors on a naked stage, alone but for themselves and their palpable apprehension.]
Narrator: But not all that is human is flesh and bone, and the soul before meeting Lolth has a lot to say. An important moral is hidden in this, the epilogue. So listen to it well, if you can spot it!
Day 15, Month 3 (Ches), 181 AR (1381 DR)
Szordrin Sh'yalva