"A Tasteful Nude" Gobbo Press.
\\\
A small thin book scribed on the cheapest of parchments. The cover portrays three muscled, hair waving, shirts half open heroes. A man with a nimbus of various colours around him, traditionally handsome. A massive, inky black minotaur, who is all rippling muscles and steam and a darkly intriguing man or perhaps elf with glowing green eyes mysteriously peering from inside a hood. A castle far in the background features a female figure clad in black. Is she waving for assistance perhaps... or maybe she is wishing them luck on their quest to win her love.
"A Tasteful Nude"
Is written in large bold print over the top of the image and various stamps of approval and reduced prices litter the cover. Notably a publishers stamp "The Goblin Press" with a date 1/8/ 181.
\\\
"But what if people see it!!??" a damp eyed eastern temptress laments. Her long black gown flowing perfectly over her setee. "Lil', My love, my life!! Your naked form is to be celebrated not ashamed, BUT fear not we will get that painting back from whatever vile wretch has it in their clutches. I vow it!!" The man's perfect hair bounces softly as he crosses the room to comfort her.
"Ready Boss!!" A huge minotaur with muscles bulging and glistening in the hot summer night rasps in a hushed attempt at a whisper that could surely have registered on even the most ramshackle goblin ground-feeler device. Then the small faint, arcanely projected image of a slender humanoid with striking green eyes and long hair flowing in the wind. He's perched on a nearby rooftop. "All clear"... The soft rustle of a silenced knock spell and... "We're in!!"...
Sweaty, Surrounded by enemy guards, beaten but not broken, the three men stood back to back, "tasteful nude portrait" in hand. They met each other's gaze one final time as only those who have fought side by side hundreds of times can. They said volumes to each other without a single word. Each knew they would gladly pay the blood price this day...
Suddenly the air FILLS with thick choking black and a woman's voice with just a touch of an "eastern" accent. "ENOUGH!!". As their eyes adjust to the dimness they see countless undead streaming towards the guards who are being enveloped by thick black tentacles. "I'll have that" the woman in the elegant black gown says, smiling wryly as she plucks the portrait from their grasp.
Later that evening in her manor she admires the portrait now hanging above her mantle again. Sipping a glass of wine and lounging by a roaring fire on her favourite settee she ponders the events of the day while she is being fed grapes by a man with perfect hair, a minotaur gives her a footrub and a tall slender man fans her. All of them having eagerly proposed marriage straight away.
"[Goblin]: A cnut' r'und krub' tnu'n on cuum 'odr a pok D on dr' c'ndn'."