The Tragedy of Twigleaf, Part 1 (Play)
Night. A lonely road. Two humans, Andy Andunor and Carl Cordor, sit cross-legged by a campfire. Mushrooms sizzle on sticks over the flames. The smell is... questionable.
Andy Andunor (AA): I can't wait until these are done. I'm starving.
Carl Cordor (CC): Yeah, me too. I'm hungry. Say, how's your wife?
Suddenly, a woman's voice cuts in, perfectly timed to overlap Andy's reply.
AA: She's---
Woman's Voice: Oh, my wife? I don't have a wife, ha-ha!
Both men flinch so hard they nearly drop their mushrooms. They whip their heads around, scanning the darkness.
CC: Andy---did you hear that?
AA: Sure did. Thought I was going crazy for a second. Do you think that was a ghost?
The voice interrupts again, cheerful and oblivious.
CC: I th---
Woman's Voice: There's no ghosts around here, ha-ha! If there were, I'd know. Trust me.
Both men leap to their feet, alarmed, mushrooms forgotten.
CC: What the hell!? Who is that!?
Woman's Voice: Oh, my name's Hymn Twigleaf. Lovely to meet you! I'm a bard, you know.
Andy Andunor spins in circles, trying to find the source of the voice.
AA: Wh-where are you!?
They squint down the road. Miles away, barely a dot on the horizon, a pink-haired half-elf waves enthusiastically. Despite the distance, her voice sounds as if she's standing right beside them.
CC: That's you? How the hell can you hear us? We-we weren't even talking to you!
Hymn Twigleaf (HT): Wow. Rude much? I was just being friendly. Whatever.
She shrugs from the horizon, somehow audible as if whispering in their ears. The men stare, dumbfounded. The mushrooms burn to ash.
AA: Well. Guess dinner's ruined.
CC: And possibly our sanity.
End scene.
-------
Hymn Twigleaf wandered down a quiet road until she spotted a large wooden sign:
"THE VILLAGE OF NICEPLACE AHEAD."
HT: Oh, wow! A new place I haven't been to. Hopefully it isn't full of nasty and horrible people like all the other places I've been to!
She continued walking. Another sign appeared:
"NICEPLACE, THE NICEST PLACE EVER. WE ONLY HAVE ONE RULE: NO SHOUTING HAGASHAGAWAGA IN PUBLIC!"
Beyond the sign, the village shimmered into view---houses of gold and marble, a triple rainbow arcing overhead, sunlight pouring down, and the sound of joyful laughter echoing through the air.
HT: Wow, this place seems amazing! Truly a paradise!
Through a flower-adorned gateway, Hymn Twigleaf entered. To one side, a drow and an elf held hands, skipping and laughing. To the other, an ogre, a dwarf, and a yuan-ti shared a pastry so delicious it seemed divine.
Approaching her came two humans: one in a colorful coat and fluffy hat, the other a guardsman clad in vibrant armor. Both smiled warmly.
Mayor of Niceplace (MN): Greetings, stranger, and welcome to Niceplace! We're so happy to have you here! I am the Mayor of this wonderful place!
Guard Captain (GC): Yes, welcome! Here, everything is free, and everybody is happy! There is no pain, no suffering, no hurt at all! Everyone gets along, and we all live luxurious, amazing lives! I am the captain of the village watch. It's a pleasure to meet you!
HT: I'm Hymn Twigleaf. Thanks for the warm welcome, but it won't be required. You're all horrible tyrants, trying to control freedom of speech! You must be followers of BANE! Evil-doers! Oppressors!
The mayor and captain exchanged a confused glance, then returned their smiles.
MN: Oh, w-well, I'm sorry you feel that way. Perhaps you'd like to tour the city? Our bakery is giving out wonderful pastries---you should try one!
Hymn Twigleaf inhaled deeply and screamed:
HT: HAGASHAGAWAGA! HAGASHAGAWAGA! HAGASHAGAWAGA!
Instantly, the laughter ceased. Birds fell from the sky, lifeless. One of the triple rainbows faded. The mayor and captain stared in horror.
HT: HAGASHAGAWAGA! You tyrants will never silence me! You will never silence the truth, or Good! You will never take away the freedom of the people!
MN: Oh my goodness!
GC: You're a horrible person---how could you do this?!
HT: I'm not horrible! Rude, much? How dare you?
Heavy footfalls thundered in the distance. A human barbarian charged forward, swinging a massive axe. He struck the Guard Captain down in a single blow.
Dummidovix (DD): HOW DARE YOU SPEAK ILL OF HYMN TWIGLEAF!? SHE IS NOT HORRIBLE! YOU LIE! YOU LIE! WE'RE SUCH NICE PEOPLE! GRRR!
As suddenly as he appeared, Dummidovix vanished in a cloud of dust. The mayor gasped as the Guard Captain lay unmoving on the ground.
MN: Oh no---not the Guard Captain! That's it! Hymn Twigleaf, you are a pariah of Niceplace! You must leave now---never return!
HT: Hagashagawaga! Good! I don't want to live in your horrible village anyway! Tyrant! Evil-doer! Hmph!
The drow and elf sobbed together. The ogre, dwarf, and yuan-ti stared at their fallen pastries, now inedible.
HT: No need to thank me, good people. I have brought you freedom from your dictator!
Skipping happily, Hymn Twigleaf departed down the road, leaving Niceplace in sorrow and ruin.
End scene.
Day 25, Month 3 (Ches), 188 AR
Sirassvaz